When you feel like a zero, life can seem pretty miserable much of the time.
A person with low self esteem often feels helpless and frequently becomes stuck in unwanted situations that appear to be beyond the person’s power to change.
I think that just about every one of us has had periods during which we felt inadequate and worthless. Sometimes these periods are short in duration, other times they are longer.
A low self esteem can become a way of life for some. A “down” period can turn into a lifetime of seeing one’s self as unworthy and incapable of what he or she truly desires.
Recognizing that you have low self esteem and even listening to your inner call to bring about improvements in how you perceive yourself is a giant first step.
The Self Esteem Trap.
A trap that many with low self esteem fall into is pinning their sense of self-worth on an external marker.
For instance, a woman might believe that she will finally feel good about herself after she receives that promotion at work.
A man may tell himself that his self-worth will be proven when he attracts a desirable partner and is in a committed relationship.
It might be a certain weight or body size, being able to run a specific distance in a particular amount of time, attaining a higher education degree or countless other things.
There’s nothing wrong with setting a goal and then working toward achieving that goal.
It certainly feels great as you move closer to actually living what you’ve aspired toward.
But troubles arise when a person dis-places all of his or her value into that one achievement (or even into a collection of achievements).
You can probably guess why…
If, for some reason, the goal is not reached– or perhaps if the person realizes that the goal is no longer desired– self esteem can dip even lower than it was before.
Even if the person glories in having achieved this specific end- state, after the initial high of attaining a long sought-after goal, self esteem can take a nose dive.
The person may realize, “I’ve earned that raise in salary, married a great partner or lost the weight…but I still don’t feel like I’m worthy or valuable.”
Basing your sense of self-worth on external conditions/things/people/achievements is a temporary fix (at best) that will not help you to truly raise low self esteem.
Look inside.
An effective and long-lasting way to raise your self esteem to healthier levels is to go within yourself.
If you aren’t accustomed to looking inside, this might feel foreign or uncomfortable. Go slowly and be gentle with yourself.
But try it anyway.
Create regular time to re-connect with your core self. This is the you that you might keep locked away and hidden because, for whatever reason, you are ashamed or embarrassed by these aspects of the real you.
Get to know what you truly like and and what you don’t like. Give yourself permission to speak out loud– even if it’s only to yourself- – what you want for your present and your future.
There is often a feeling of depth and sureness that comes when you tap into these thoughts and feelings that come from your core.
As you become better acquainted with the real you, make a list of the things that you appreciate about yourself. Write down what you are discovering about you that you value.
Again, this can be tricky because it is tempting to write down things that are external such as your job position, socioeconomic status or your relationship to those you deem to be important.
You might find, for example, that you are compassionate with animals. You could discover that your green thumb in the garden translates into a deep concern for the Earth which you live by.
You may even decide that there are some positive aspects to things about yourself that you used to deem only negative.
For example, maybe you are a very particular person when it comes to what you eat, what you wear, who you spend time with, etc. You used to see this only as you being “picky” or “difficult.”
As you create your list of “valuable things about me,” you might write down that you are clear about your preferences. This can be a very strong and helpful trait to have!
You can build your self esteem from the inside out by continuing to stay in touch with your core self and by listening respectfully to what the real you has to say.
Keep adding to that list of “valuable things about me” and watch it grow as you grow and feel better about who you are right here and right now.
This will support you as you move closer and closer to the glorious you that you are becoming.
Alex Wise/Beliefnet
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