Friday 26 February 2021

The Top 10 Ways You May Be Self-Sabotaging Your Success - If this sounds familiar you could be sabotaging yourself.


Many of us suffer from a fear of success even more than a fear of failure

which can result in self-sabotage – the act of either consciously or unknowingly ruining your own chances of success. Why do we do this? It turns out there are many different reasons. Some of us are afraid of stepping into our own power, some don’t think they have what it takes to truly lead, others are afraid of the change connected to successful endeavors. Here are the top 10 ways you may be unwittingly nixing your chances to succeed and embracing your true inner power.

The Rescuer

Many of us feel this huge sense of needing to be there for everyone and fear that if we are successful, then how can we continue to be there for those that need us? Rescuers are much more comfortable in positions of caretaking and helping others. They need to learn how to drop this mantle of responsibility and focus on themselves. Ask for help – from a therapist, a trusted friend but most of all from your guides and angels – to help you work toward your goal of success. Look for the helpers as Mr. Rogers would remind us. Consider reading Bud Harris’ book Sacred Selfishness.

The Invisible

Some are truly afraid of being seen and heard for who and what they are. They are much more comfortable standing back and observing from the shadows. It’s this fear of success – rooted in a fear of being heard, valued and seen – that holds back these individuals. It’s crucial for these individuals to work on seeing their own value and increasing their confidence and their belief in their divine rights to a successful and fulfilling life.Step into your power.Set firm boundaries.Honour your worth.Teach others how to treat you by valuing yourself, your time and your talents.

The Energetically Run-Down

Some are already feeling rundown and tired from carrying everyone else’ stuff that even though they might have great ideas for success and wonderful plans, they lack the energy to implement the successful ideas in real time. So many are feeling the weight of caring for children and parents or carrying a huge workload that they lack the vital energy needed for success. Learning to delegate responsibilities, asking for help and carving out sacred time for solitude, reflection and self-care are paramount to their success.

The “Who Me?”

Others struggle with lack of self-worth and will prevent their success out of a belief that they have nothing worthwhile to share with the world. Consider starting a Grateful For Me Journal where you write down three successes you achieved each day such as, “I am grateful I handled that difficult customer so well today” or “I am grateful I made time to exercise for me today.” As you start to celebrate your small and large accomplishments, you will see that you are truly worthy of success.

The Empath

Everyone wants to be liked by their peers, but some people can feel and sense the true feelings of those around them in ways others can’t and in doing so they self-sabotage their success because they subconsciously don’t want to feel the envy or jealousy of their friends and colleagues.

They’d rather be accepted than successful and often see this as an either/or issue when in reality it isn’t. You can have both – acceptance, respect, support and success. Learn about your own energy and emotions so you can start to discern what’s yours and what isn’t. Check out The Empath’s Survival Guide by Judith Orloff.

The Fixer

People who are the fixers often attract negative or toxic relationships and the drama, instability and drain of being in these relationships can prevent an empath from creating true success. You already know you’re good at relating to others. Switch the focus to yourself and start to develop a deeper, more honest relationship with yourself. Look into Dr. Christiane Northrup’s book Dodging Energy Vampires.

The Seeker

Many don’t really know who they are or what they want. They are so used to aligning and matching their emotions and vibrations with those around them that they’ve lost this innate sense of who they are. So while they want to be successful, in reality they have no idea what they need to focus on. If you’re a seeker, focus on getting in touch with your truth, your passions, your true desires and talents and start to focus on what specifically success looks like for you. Develop an authentic relationship with yourself. Who and what makes you happy? What does success look like to you in your career? Your finances? Your relationships? With yourself? Seekers must create a clear vision for who they are and what they want in order to manifest true joy. 

Consider diving into Your Soul’s Plan by Robert Schwartz.

The Perfectionist

Perfectionists often suffer from self-sabotage because they have this need to make everything perfect so everyone can be happy. But it’s in this pursuit of perfection they will often delay their success until everything is just so. Perfectionists need to learn to accept the phrase “good enough” and just go for it. Many cultures such as the Japanese and the Hopi will specifically create flaws in their work as a reminder that nothing is perfect. For more information on overcoming this, check out The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.

The Avoider

Avoiding hard truths can be a special talent for some. Because they want everyone, including themselves, to be happy they often avoid some hard facts. This can lead to staying in relationships and jobs long past their expiration date or having issues with finances such as debt or overspending. Start by observing your thoughts – especially the subtle ones – but also pay attention to your body. Our body never lies and often holds nuggets of truth we’ve been avoiding. If you feel a stomachache when you think of a relationship in your life or if you get a headache around someone, there’s a reason. When you practice honoring your intuitive thoughts, you will find the courage to face difficult truths. As you focus on honesty and fostering true authenticity with yourself, you’ll start to recognize patterns of avoidance in your life.

The Murphy’s Law Devotee

You may have developed a behavior pattern called negativity bias where you expect the worst as a self-defense mechanism. While this can work in the short term for preventing feelings of letdown, remorse and banished hopes, in the long term it creates a perfect storm for sabotaging success. Studies have shown that planning for the worst and the best is one of the fastest anecdotes to this issues because it calms the negative thinking mind down while priming the subconscious to seek opportunities for success.

If any of these self-sabotage types resonate with you, there are several things you can do to change this pattern. Start by reframing your biography. The story about your life that you tell yourself is the one you will keep creating. If you reframe this to be one of success – even in times of perceived failure – you will retrain your subconscious to seek out more opportunities for success that you can then add to your life story. Instead of saying, “Life never works out for me,” try “even when life knocks me down, I get back up and grow stronger each time.”

Start looking for things in your life you do well. Write these down, talk about them, celebrate them. If you stop collecting stories of your failures and dashed hopes you will help yourself immensely to create success. Meditate daily so you can find your center – the calm in the storm – which will prevent you from falling back into old patterns of behavior. As Lao Tzu tells us, “To a still mind, the whole Universe surrenders.”

Samantha Fey hosts two podcasts – Psychic Teachers and Enlightened Empaths – which can be heard on iTunes, Spotify, Google Play and Podbean. She writes and teaches courses on developing intuition, working with crystals and learning to manifest success. For more information, check out her website

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