We are people pleasers and depending on your experiences that were predominant during your growing up years, it could be wrecking your life. It is very simple to fall into this trap, especially during times of trials and angst. If we continually feel that we need to measure up we will always comply with people to make sure we gain approval. People pleasers yearn for outside validation and their security is based on getting the approval of others. This focus on people interferes with your relationship with God and with others over time. There is hope and you can experience a transformation to end this morose cycle. "You can stop striving for acceptance, stop lying awake wondering if you’re good enough, and stop living under the tyranny of people pleasing," author Joyce Meyer wrote. Here are 5 reasons you have nothing to prove.
Rejection Doesn't Define You
Sometimes we feel that we have to prove something to others because of fear and because self-judgment leaked into our lives. It might be self-inflicted or caused by someone else's actions. Regardless of its source, what happens is that we internalize these fears and believe we are not capable of being loved or cherished. So, when we are rejected, this lack of self-worth just progresses until you stop feeding it. How can you achieve this? Know that other people's rejection of you does not define who you are or what you can be.
Make Your Own Standards
The enemy likes to drive us far into the desert of our emotions and in our lives. He uses people as pawns to distract us from focusing on the Lord and His promises to us. Instead of beating yourself up for not seeing your dream come to fruition, see it as an achievement that you even tried it and move onward. People might tell you to give up the fight and you might want to cave in, but don't. Stand on the truth that you are strong in Christ and don't waiver from the pressures of people. Determine your success by your own standards and values, not on how you finished.
You Don't Need Validation
Most validation is flawed. If Jesus or Moses lived for validation, we may have never heard their stories of perseverance and faith. We all like to be praised for doing a great job, but we have the uncanny ability to rely on these external things to keep us happy in order to feel confident. Find success that reflects your own values to side-step this trap of having to prove yourself to others. If you build on your internal values like justice, love and kindness, the external validation is just gravy.
You Can't Please Everyone
We have this fear that we need to have everyone like us. Not only is this a false belief, but this is far from reality. What happens is we begin to over commit and take on too many tasks so we don't disappoint others. This can be a home, church or with work associates. There is a saying that holds true when it comes to human nature. "You can please all of the people some of the time, and you can please some of the people all of the time, but you can’t please all the people all the time," Abraham Lincoln said. The lesson here is that you can set boundaries and say "no" to things in your life that are stressing you out.
You Define Success
We all want to do better in life and we all want to improve. When we are bombarded by messages that we have to excel the way the world wants us to, it creates a bogus narrative. The reason is we are not all the same and we all have varying talents and gifts. Change the standard or meaning of success in your life. You can only do something to the best of your ability with a sense of pride. When you look at it this way, you won't hold yourself accountable to the world's crazy standards of success.
You can take more charge of your life if you are not dominated by the fear of man and trying to please everyone. Regardless, if this has been a prevailing problem--things can progress for the better. Make the determination that you don't have anything to prove to anyone. Soon you will find a new sense of liberty in your walk with God and in your life.
(Culled from beliefnet.com)