No one is born naturally confident. Confidence is a quality that we develop over time. It doesn’t happen overnight, and very often, it comes with age and maturity.
Confidence is not the same thing as arrogance or haughtiness. It is more subtle. Confident people are simply people who feel comfortable in their own skins. Confident people like themselves, even though they know that they are imperfect.
Below are four things that confident people do regularly. If you lack confidence, consider adopting some of these habits. If you start doing some of these simple things, you will find your confidence begin to grow.
Confident People Have a Healthy View of Themselves: Confident people are neither arrogant nor are they insecure. They have a reasonable view of themselves. They understand that God has blessed them with certain qualities – just like every other person on this earth. So, they appreciate the qualities that God has given them. And they don’t sit around feeling badly because they don’t have the qualities of their neighbor or best friend.
Unfortunately, it is challenging to have a healthy view of oneself. We live in a society in which we constantly compare. For example, parents compare their children to each other, instead of delighting in the uniqueness of each one. As adults, we compare our houses, cars and jobs, instead of feeling happy with what God has given us.
It has taken a long time for me to stop comparing myself to other people, and that has been the key to my ability to be confident. For example, while I admire the talents of other people, I no longer feel frustrated because I don’t possess their talents. I know that God has created me with certain natural skills. He has given me a certain appearance, personality and level of intelligence that He thinks is right for me. So, I feel confident when I walk into a room because I know that I am perfect in God’s eyes.
Confident People Rack Up Accomplishments: It is hard to feel confident when you aren’t accomplishing anything with your life. God has given each of us gifts and talents for a reason! You are wasting those gifts and talents if you don’t find ways to use them.
God has given each of us unique gifts and talents in order to accomplish good works. For instance, I have a friend who has a brain for finances. She not only manages her family’s finances, but she does an exceptional job of managing our church’s finances. Everyone at the church holds her in high regard because we would be in a financial quagmire without her. She, in turn, gets a feeling of satisfaction knowing that she is accomplishing important work using her God-given talents.
Once you identify the special skills that God has given you, work at honing them. Take classes, read books, or practice your skills. Then use those skills to accomplish things in service to God. By developing and using your God-given talents, you will feel more and more confident and capable.
Confident People Ignore the Negative Opinions of Others: The sad truth is that there aren’t many encouragers in this world. Most people love to point out the faults and limitations of others. Confident people learn to ignore those negative opinions.
It took me a long time to stop listening to other people’s opinions of me, and to start listening to God’s opinion. I have gotten negative feedback about my appearance, intelligence and personality from different people, even some who have been closest to me. And I will admit, that it is upsetting to be criticized in such a manner.
However, the most liberating thing happened to me about seven years ago. Someone close to me was criticizing me, and I said, “You are welcome to your opinion, but I am good with God, and that is all that matters to me.” That was truly a life changing moment, and I’ve never looked back. From that point forward, there has been only one opinion that matters to me – God’s. When God is the one you are trying to please, it is much easier to be confident because God created you and loves you, just as you are.
They Are Quick to Praise Others: One thing that I have observed about authentically confident people is that they build others up. When you are in a position of confidence, you aren’t threatened by the skills and attributes of others. You have your skills, and they have their skills. You aren’t in competition with others, so you can easily praise others when they do something well.
People who lack confidence tend to either insult others, or they are stingy with praise. Their insecurities prevent them from acknowledging the talents of others. And unfortunately, some people tend to put others down as a way of making them feel better about themselves.
It is good to get in the habit of praising others. Telling someone that they look nice or that they did something well is what people of excellence do – all the time. I know that sometimes we think complimentary thoughts in our heads, but we forget to verbalize them. I am at fault for that as much as anyone. But I do try to compliment and praise, as much as possible. And when I do, I feel good about myself for having been gracious. And the recipient of my compliment feels good as well!
Try using the above “confidence habits” to change how you feel about yourself. Just doing these four simple things will make you feel more happy with who you are as a person. You will soon start walking into any situation with your head held high, knowing that you are a perfect creation of God and that you have so much to be confident about
Meerabelle Dey has a B.A. in History and Religious Studies from the University of Toronto and a J.D. from Fordham University School of Law. Much of her legal career has been spent dealing with issues affecting women, children and the poor. She has lived in the United States, Canada and the Middle East. Meerabelle now devotes her time to writing. Her mission is to use her writing to inspire others to achieve God’s unique purpose for their life.