6 Ways to Feel Great about Yourself.

For many of us feeling great about ourselves doesn’t come naturally or often.
While a roaring inner critic and a shaky sense of self take time to improve, you can learn to feel great about yourself, one step at a time. Here are six expert insights to start the process.

“There is no trap so deadly as the trap you set for yourself,” said American novelist Raymond Chandler. In other words, as another saying goes, we can be our own worst enemy. For many of us our inner critic is especially cruel. It clings to every mistake, misstep and imperfection (Which is infinite, because, well, we’re human!). For many of us feeling great about ourselves doesn’t come naturally or often. While a roaring inner critic and a shaky sense of self take time to improve, you can learn to feel great about yourself, one step at a time. Here are six expert insights to start the process.

Honor Your Individuality

Your life is truly unique, said Deborah Serani, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist and author of the book Living with Depression.

“Though you have strengths and weaknesses, your life story is unlike anyone else’s.” The same is true for our voices.

As life coach Rachel W. Cole writes in her piece, “Your voice is like your thumbprint. It has a uniqueness that no one can match and it has the power to carry healing, change, and beauty into a world that needs them.” Remember that.

Curb Comparison-Making

Comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to sink your self-esteem and self-confidence. Serani cited Theodore Roosevelt’s powerful quote: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” In other words, she said, “When you measure, analyze or contrast your life to someone else’s, you rob yourself of the experience of your own personal happiness.” You also lose sight of your own needs, goals and wishes. “When you look beyond the boundaries of your own reach, you lose your sight as well as your grasp.”

Be Kind to Yourself

“Train your brain to be your greatest cheerleader, most compassionate friend and most loving parent rather than your worst critic,” said Joyce Marter, LCPC, a therapist and owner of the counseling practice Urban Balance in the Chicago area. In fact, any time your inner critic starts snarling, ask yourself: “What would I say to my best friend if they were struggling with the same thing?” “What would I suggest they do?” “Would I judge them this harshly?” Often, we’re much more patient, understanding and flexible with others than we ever are with ourselves. But “Remember that we are all human and nobody is perfect.” Marter suggested “keeping a running gratitude list thanking yourself for all you do that promotes wellness in your life and the lives of others.”

Be Kind to Others

“Seize every opportunity you can to demonstrate kindness to others [and] then see yourself through their eyes,” Marter said. This kindness can take any shape: empathizing with another person, giving a compliment, giving a gift, donating your time or money to charity and even extending a simple gesture, such as opening the door for a stranger. “These acts of kindness bring us out of our own heads -- blessing us with greater perspective -- and warm the heart and soul,” Marter said.

Practice Integrity

Integrity means having “an alignment between what you feel inside and how you represent yourself to others,” according to Ashley Eder, LPC, a psychotherapist in Boulder, Colo. It means that your beliefs, intentions and actions are in harmony. “Integrity is an antidote to shame, the driving force behind self-hatred.” The key, said Eder, is to get clear on how you feel and then act in a direct and non-aggressive way to convey those feelings. For instance, an acquaintance asks you to take care of their dog while they’re away. But you don’t have the time or energy, or you just don’t want to. “Getting clear means taking the time to let your ‘no, not this time’ come up to the surface so that you know what you want,” Eder said. Instead of ignoring the request or telling the person how you much you don’t like dogs, “acting directly and non-aggressively means saying to your friend, ‘I'm sorry, but I'm not able to watch your dog for you’ even though you know your friend may be disappointed.”

Focus on Your Soul, Not Your Shape or Status

When your self-worth is tied to external markers like your looks, the car you drive and how much money you have in the bank, feeling great about yourself is temporary. It’s as fleeting as a feeling, a whim. It’s like a butterfly. You’re forever trying to catch it. And if you do, it only slips through your fingers. That’s why Marter stressed the importance of “connecting with your essence and higher power on a daily basis.” As Geneen Roth writes in her book Women, Food and God, “It’s never been true, not anywhere at any time, that the value of a soul, of a human spirit, is dependent on a number on the scale.” The same can easily be said about money and material things. Marter suggested these activities for connecting to your higher power: prayer, meditation, mindfulness techniques “or whatever works for you.” These tips help you feel great about yourself in the moment and over time. And when you’re not sure what to do or what will help, start with kindness. Ask yourself, “What’s the kindest thing I can do for myself or say to myself right now?” You’ll rarely go wrong.

Beliefnet.com