Perfectionism drains self-esteem, strength, and creativity. Once perfectionism is rooted whether from childhood or earlier experiences, the power to succumb is hard to resist. Everyone is different, and that lack of positive reinforcement when we are young like not making the perfect grades impacts behavior. We can develop the belief that less than perfect is unacceptable. Think of it as a task that never gets quite finished, or the to-do list that is half done. If you are thinking that this enemy is annoying, that would be understated. Being a perfectionist could damage relationships, jobs, and fuel disharmony since the expectations are over the top. Additionally, since we are bombarded by the media with images of the perfect family, homes, kids, and spouses, it is no wonder we are driving ourselves into the ground. Here are 6 tools to help overcome perfectionism and to start letting yourself and others off the hook as well.
Stop Comparing
Don’t compare yourself with others, but look to see what you have accomplished. If you want to feel bad fast, comparing will do just that. However, combat this by minding your own business, and remaining on course. Staying in your own lane is imperative for self-esteem. It also can drive unhealthy competition. Take a step back, and view what you have accomplished over time. What areas have you overcome? What strengths have you built on? By focusing on the positive and knowing your value, comparisons will take a backseat. But you need to practice building up the stamina to resist this temptation when it comes.
Support Others
Do you engage in excessive correcting of others when a project is tasked? Since you want control, try to practice letting someone else take the reins. This will cause anxiety, but letting go is a good exercise and a solid way to build confidence in others. Just because people did not achieve your standards, does not mean it has little value. Since you have a lack of tolerance for yourself, you may treat others this way. Ask yourself if you are jumping to conclusions, or what are the facts? Focus on the good qualities of individuals and what they have to offer. Be a person who includes others--make them feel needed and wanted.
Give Yourself Credit
You did a good job, but you can’t enjoy the moment since it was not perfect. Striving for excellence can be a good character trait. However, if you can’t derive any pleasure from a job well done, we might need to call on extra grace. Never feeling that what you do is enough has to end or there will never be any joy in life. So look at the good that was attained and achieved. If you need help, enlist a trusted friend to help point out what you accomplished on a given project or situation. Have some self-compassion when you review various moments and goals in life. Be honest with yourself as the bigger question to pose is “Did I achieve something positive?”
Accept Your Flaws
Even the smartest people make mistakes and as a perfectionist this is not cool. Learn to forgive yourself for making errors, and move on. Harboring resentment towards yourself is not productive. If you have to openly say “I forgive myself for messing up,” do it. Nothing is black and white. See what is good and let it go. How you treat your failures are just as important as celebrating victories. You can choose to accept falling short or use shortcomings to empower you to persevere and become grow stronger. This will also help cultivate more respect for yourself. Learn to love your flaws.
Stand Strong
What happens when the flood of emotions come knocking when there is a misstep? Shame, anger, hopelessness and guilt all come calling when the threat of failure presents itself. If an action needs to be taken, then take care of it. The emotions being felt will begin to dissipate if you remain composed, the Huffington Post shared. “Take some deep breaths and know that no feeling state is here to stay. It will subside--whatever it is." When you know that each thought or feeling is like a wave, you can withstand destructive feelings and avoid taking the wrong action.
Cherish the Small Things
When it is time for you to leave earth, you will be calling loved ones to the bedside, not achievements. In one of the top regrets of those dying was that they wished they stayed in touch with friends more. Most things in life are trivial. Those deadlines, the anger over losing a parking space, the traffic in the morning--all mean nothing in the end. The simplicity of spending tine with loved ones, loving yourself, and reaching to those in need, trumps perfections and worldly success. In the end, don’t regret losing time in life by feeling anxious due to a house that gets messy or being named runner-up in a given competition.
If you are a perfectionist, you are not alone. Yet, that does not mean you are off the hook. Examine the areas that you are struggling with, and learn to relax and even laugh at yourself more. In the grand scheme of things, being perfect all the time is not worth the stress. Embrace forgiveness, self-love and a little grace and watch how life can be enjoyed more
Beliefnet.com
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